Today, on the front of the AJC Living section (I only got it because apparently Publix is promoting newspapers now) there is a picture of Santa Claus, shirtless, ironing his red suit. This is a depressing picture to me. Christmas for me always started on Thanksgiving night after they lit the tree on the top of whatever building Atlanta could put it on. Not now, it starts tomorrow. In a few malls in the metro ( whatever that means) Atlanta area Santa Claus is coming. He will be there for a good eight weeks up until he has to go back to the north pole and make Playstation 3's for all those greedy kids out there. I love the Christmas season, I love the decorations, I love getting gifts, but it is the beginning of November and yesterday it was probably 80 degrees outside, and if you know like I do Santa's blood runs cold. It needs to be a little chilly for Santa to be around.
So, now I expect him on the 25th of November. I don't want any complaining from him or any of his compadres because they brought this on themselves. I want toys, and I want them now. At one time I only had to wait a few weeks after I told him what I wanted to get what I needed, but now he needs to come with the quickness. I want gifts everyday from now until November 25th, and I want them wrapped. No Fed Ex, no UPS, none of that, and if it comes from eBay, we have a problem. Listen, Santa, you need to get your act together and stop these dumb promotions. You're not making any money, these toys don't cost anyone anything, and you think that coming to my town, and setting up shop early will make it better? Go back to the frosty north and wait until you come down the middle of NYC until you decide to break out the promo machine. Oh wait, you get paid for those pictures, don't you? Okay, okay, I understand the entertainment industry is in a slump, but November 3rd you have to come here? I am not welcoming you. You are not welcome until November 25th when you come out of the oven and shoot presents out of your head. This is what it has come to Santa, you have cheapened a good holiday, and have wore us out with your materialistic views, and we expect presents at the end of November, and then we'll pop champagne on December 1st to celebrate the new year. You really screwed it up, Claus. You really screwed this up.
See Santa at Perimeter Mall this weekend. Sit on his lap and tell him he is a tad early.
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